The “Lie to Me” TV show is wonderful – if only because it has nudged people into (finally) paying attention to the behavior of the people they talk to. It’s the first introduction many people get to the idea that it’s possible to look at someone and read into his or her mind.

Here’s an example:  The guy in front of you is telling you by his actions whether he believes you or is even listening to you.  Can you recognize the signs?

• If he doesn’t believe you, he’ll curl a lip or suck on the inside of his lips to show contempt. He’ll also move his eyes downward and move them back and forth. When he does that, he’s talking to himself, then testing how he feels about it, then talking to himself some more and then retesting his feelings.
• If he has stopped listening, he’ll be non-responsive. His eyes will defocus. When people are not focused on anything specific, they tend to get diverted by something bright or anything that moves. So, the guy who is not listening to you will likely display that by looking away from you – watching a car go by or a bird fly past or he might just shift his gaze out a window.
• If he does believe you, his eyes will get a bit wider, his pupils will likely dilate, he’ll lean forward and his ears will recede.  He may smile slightly and nod his head as if saying yes.

The TV show make it seem like anyone who twists a wedding band is telling you a lie. That’s baloney. It is a sign of something, probably discomfort, could be gas. Then, it’s your job to figure out what is causing that discomfort.

The point is, pay attention, notice anything that moves on the person’s body or face and figure out what it means. Is it a good sign or a red flag.

At AboutPeople, we read personality types, values and communication style – all in faces. We can also read internal mental/emotional turmoil. Point is, so can you. Having trouble with a boss, co-worker or client? Got a boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse you can’t figure out? We can help.  First, you need to buy our book Face Values. It is the most important book you can find on reading people.

Got questions? Just get in touch: michael@aboutpeople.com

– Michael Lovas

Open a sample of various websites, and you’ll most likely see the result of a person or firm trying to adapt a printed brochure to the Internet. It doesn’t work because people read them differently.

Brochures. In a brochure, people tend to look at your headline, subheads and bullet points. They will use look at those points to find relevant information. If they find it, they’ll read more of your content.

Web. On your website, people tend to read even less and skim even more. They jump from point to point in an “F” pattern. (Jakob Nielsen) They look at the first headline and typically read most of it. Then, they drop down to the next big, bolded line and read some of it. Finally, they skim down the left side of the page looking for something else to grab their eye’s attention.

If you want to capture your visitor’s attention, you have to reformat and edit your web content to take advantage of how people read websites.

Logic. Think in these terms: smaller chunks of information, preceded by a relevant subhead, all written to give the most important information first.

Like this info? This information comes from our new eBook. It’s so new that we’re still finalizing the content, and the working title is Words that Guide Minds. It is an intense class in how to use psychology in your marketing, specifically how to use words to motivate people.

Want a sample? Just send me an email: michael@aboutpeople.com. Include your contact information and this paragraph.

– Michael Lovas

I’m currently editing our newest eBook. The working title is: The Language of Yes – how to frame and phrase your message to influence and inspire people to say YES!

Phew! That’s a long title. But, the content is superb. I’ve been writing about psychological marketing since about 1991. That’s also when I began teaching people how to use psychology in their marketing. I learned the tools of the trade from writing stacks and stacks of direct response programs. From them, I learned what works and what doesn’t – all in the school of day-to-day hard knocks as the head writer for JCPenney.

Then, I began to study psychology very seriously. That was about ten years of daily learning. So, when I talk about linguistic structures, language patterns and mental filters, I know what I’m talking about.

I also learned that most copywriters don’t have a clue how to use psychology in their writing. They’re more interested creating in a catchy pun than slipping past the reader’s mental filters.

Truth Frame. Here’s an example of a little-known technique. I call it the Truth Frame. At the beginning of your marketing piece, say three things that are undeniably true. Just three things that are simple and obviously true. Then, link them back to you. That’s it. In this way, your reader starts off by dropping all red flags and extending trust to you. Thus, you just slipped past mental filters and entered the mental kingdom.

If you like this type of information, please let me know. Just send me an email, and I’ll personally send you a list of the most powerful and persuasive words ever assembled. Be sure to say you found me on this blog. Write to me at: michael@aboutpeople.com

– Michael

The TV show is wonderful – if only because it has nudged people into (finally) paying attention to the behavior of the people they talk to. So many of our clients over the years had totally missed this point. The guy in front of you is telling you by his actions whether he believes you or is even listening to you.

• If he doesn’t believe you, he’ll curl a lip or suck on the inside of his lips to show contempt. He’ll also move his eyes downward and move them back and forth. When he does that, he’s talking to himself, then testing how he feels about it, then talking to himself some more and then retesting his feelings.

• If he has stopped listening, he’ll be non-responsive. His eyes will defocus. When people are not focused on anything specific, they tend to get diverted by something bright or anything that moves. So, the guy who is not listening to you will likely display that by looking away from you – watching a car go by or a bird fly past or just out a window.

The TV show make it seem like anyone who twists a wedding band is telling you a lie. That’s baloney. It is a sign of something, probably discomfort. Then, it’s your job to figure out what is causing that discomfort.

The point is, pay attention, notice anything that moves on the person’s body or face and figure out what it means. Is it a good sign or a red flag.

Our area of expertise is the face. We can read personality types, values and communication style in faces. We can also read internal mental/emotional turmoil. So can you. Having trouble with a boss, co-worker or client? Got a boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse you can’t figure out? We can help.

If you’re starting to get interested in reading people, you need to buy our book Face Values. It is the most important book you can find on reading people.

Here’s the link to more information: http://www.aboutpeople.com/Catalog/index.php

Got questions? Just get in touch: michael@aboutpeople.com

– Michael Lovas

In the show Lie to Me, the “deception detectives” look for certain signs. Some of the people exhibiting those signs are lying, and others are not. Who are the people that look like they’re lying, but really aren’t?

According to the FBI, people who could “look” guilty include:

“youthfulness, a low or borderline intelligent quotient (IQ), mental handicap, psychological inadequacy, recent bereavement, language barrier, alcohol or other drug withdrawal, illiteracy, fatigue, social isolation, or inexperience with the criminal justice system.”

Those traits can affect the person’s “decision-making process, mental alertness, and suggestibility.”

So, instead of being guilty of murder, the suspect might simply be guilty of being stupid or stoned or tired or stressed. Have you ever been any of those? If so (according to Lie to Me), you could have become a murder suspect.

In your personal life, what a sad situation when you’re arguing with your boyfriend and you have to say to him, “Sweetie, I know you’re not a liar, but you are an idiot.”

What you can do next. Want to learn some really powerful techniques for reading people? Just follow this link: http://www.aboutpeople.com/Catalog/product_info.php?products_id=28

That will take you to our book Face Values. It is by far the easiest and most effective set of skills for reading people. What’s more, you can learn these skills in a matter of minutes.

Read the book and you’ll be reading total strangers. You’ll know their values, their personality type and their communication style.

– Michael Lovas

Lie to Me is all about reading suspects to figure out who is lying. In the show, the facial movement and hand gestures are treated as though they are fool-proof and correct 100% of the time. It’s not. Let’s see what the FBI has to say about it:

“Investigations may focus on the wrong person because techniques do not distinguish between stressful responses caused by deception and responses to stress caused simply by accusatory interviewing. Behaviors improperly interpreted by investigators may take on the weight of perceived evidence and increase the intensity of the police focus.”

That’s from an article titled: “Criminal confessions: overcoming the challenges – interview and interrogation techniques.” It appeared in the November 2002 issue of the FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin.

Essentially, what that quote says is what we’ve been saying since Lie to Me first came into our lives – the clues that seem to show lying are actually showing stress. The stress could be the result of lying, or it could be the result of being in an uncomfortable situation.

How can you use this bit of wisdom? Easy, do not assume someone is lying because you spotted a “tell.” Rather, assume there is something there that deserves a deeper look. Most of you are not cops or federal agents. Most of you use these skills in your personal life. So, please, when you see a “tell,” just keep it to yourself and look deeper.

What you can do next.

Want to learn some really powerful techniques for reading people? Just follow this link: http://www.aboutpeople.com/Catalog/product_info.php?products_id=28

That will take you to our book Face Values. It is by far the easiest and most effective set of skills for reading people. What’s more, you can learn these skills in a matter of minutes. Read the book and you’ll be reading total strangers. You’ll know their values, their personality type and their communication style.

– Michael Lovas

If you’re a guy who loves his freedom, there is no greater kiss of death than to hook up with a girl who is “high maintenance.” She sucks the life right out of you. I know – I’ve been there. No matter how good the sex is…no matter what a trophy she is, if she needs a lot of hands-on and emotional support – RUN!

So, how do you know? How can you tell if your GF is going to suck the life out of you? I’m gong to teach you three ways:

1. Look at her forehead. If she rarely ever moves here eyebrows up, that’s a red flag. People who have smooth (no wrinkles) on their forehead, do not have a flexible range of emotions. They tend to need to be in control. How does that fit with your lifestyle? This is not a rule – it’s just a guideline, something to watch out for.

2. Next look at her eyes, or the outside of her eyes. Does she smile there a lot? People who have little smile lines at the outside of their eyes are telling you that they smile a lot. That’s good. The alternative is unacceptable – if you’re a guy who likes to laugh, likes people and is naturally friendly.

3. The voice. Ever hear a little girl talk? They have that sing-song baby talk sound. In a perfect world, only little girls would talk that way. Unfortunately, some little girls are traumatized. And, some of them get stuck in that emotional space for a long time.

That’s usually called “arrested development.” It means that part of your trophy GF is still a little girl doing whatever she can to get her emotional needs met – the needs that were not met when she was a little girl. That easily includes lying.

It’s a sad situation, but it’s also a dangerous one. If you’re not trained in how to deal with an abuse victim, you’re exposing yourself for a lot of anguish. I know – been there and have the emotional scars to show for it.

– Michael Lovas

One of the biggest problems with the Lie to Me TV show is that – because it’s a drama – it uses actors to demonstrate negative behavior. The facial movements of someone lying is unconscious. When you purposefully make the faces, they’re forced and wrong. It looks fake. So, let’s look at a world-famous liar and see what to avoid.

That little photo shows you the eyes of Ken Lay, the former (and late) CEO and Chairman of Enron. On July 16, 2002, Lay was indicted on 11 counts of securities fraud and related charges. He was found guilty on May 25, 2006, of 10 counts against him. He was a world-class liar.

Now, look at the eyes. What are they telling you? Do they say, “Come on it, it’s safe in here?” Or are they saying, “I’m smarter than you and I’m going to steal all your money?”

In the western culture, people tend to look at you when they’re talking to you. Now, that’s different from glaring at you. You look at the person, look away for a few seconds, then look back. The person who turns his head, then also moves his eyes to the side is most likely in the midst of a conflict. He’s not exposing what’s really on his mind. Is that a lie? Probably.

The lesson here – look at where the person’s face is looking in relation to where the eyes are looking. If they’re looking away from you, beware!

Like this information? Visit my websiste: http://www.aboutpeople.com/

– Michael Lovas

Most of us mean well. We want other people to see us in the best light. But, none of us lives 24 hours a day in the best light.

Most of the time, in the life of a normal person, these transgressions are unimportant. But, there are times when it IS important. There are times when we need to understand how honest someone else is with us.

In your personal life – Let’s say you’re about to get engaged, but you don’t know enough about the other person. Is she just out for your money? Is he just looking to get laid? Will this relationship work, or is it doomed? How can you find out?

Those are questions we all need answered from time to time. And, those are the same types of things that the TV show Lie to Me explores. Who is telling a lie and why?

In real life, all people lie. In real life, we all read clues to let us know that something is not right. Some people are naturally brilliant at it, while most people need to learn a few skills in order to do it.

On TV, there are absolute signs that tell you someone is not telling the truth. That’s not real life. There are no absolutes. For example, a facial twitch does not mean the person is a liar. A down-turned mouth does not mean the person is contemptuous. A look to the right does not mean the person is making up a story.

Watch this blog and I’ll explain how to spot the truth, and how to spot someone who could be a problem for you. And, for more information, visit my website: http://www.aboutpeople.com/

– Michael Lovas

Ever wonder what makes some people work really hard while others seem to do as little as possible?  Why some need no prodding at all, yet others must be constantly guided, prodded, and incentivized?  And just how much influence can a manager really have on the motivation of employees?

Understanding motivation is not has difficult as you might think.  And yes, a manager can have a great deal of influence.  So can peers, the work environment and nature of the work itself.  The key is recognizing that motivation is an individual behavior, not an organizational one, and as such the focus must be on the individual.

Each person is different.  Each has different needs, desires, goals and values.  Each has past experiences and psychological baggage that influence their perception of the world and the people around them.  These all influence motivation.

There is no such thing as a “one-size-fits-all” approach to motivation.  What works to motivate John may not work at all to motivate Bob.  Because each person has a different psychological make-up, motivational strategies must be unique and different. 

Values and Motivation

Motivation is tied closely to values.  Values are the qualities, principles and priorities that each of us holds most dear.  Values guide our decisions in life and in work.  They explain why we do what we do.  Values drive and motivate us. 

Some examples of work values include:

¨       Achievement

¨       Autonomy

¨       Comfort

¨       Prosperity / Money

¨       Recognition

¨       Safety

¨       Status

¨       Learning

Categories of Work Values

Work values tend to fall into these three categories:

1. Environmental
2. Social
3. Self

Environmental values are things like comfortable working conditions, a secure position or job, a variety of tasks and fair compensation.  Social values include things like – the opportunity for recognition and advancement, managing people, helping others, or having close social relationships with co-workers.  Examples of Self values are a sense of accomplishment, the opportunity to achieve, learn, grow, be creative, or make decisions autonomously.

Values as Outcomes

Another way to think of values is as outcomes.  What is it that the employee most wants to achieve?  What is their ultimate outcome?  If you know this, then you know how to motivate them. 

In my case, my highest work values or ultimate outcome is freedom, a sense of accomplishment, and continuous learning.  If you want to motivate me, give me a job that will provide me with those outcomes.

How can you use this information to improve motivation?

Here is a step-by-step process for improving motivation.

1.    Recognize individual differences and develop individual strategies. 

The first step in developing individualized strategies is to determine what outcomes each employee values.  In other words, what drives the employee?  Once you determine their values or the outcomes they value, then you can individualize the rewards.  If for example, you determine that I value Recognition, then you can figure out ways to ensure I get the Recognition I need to keep me motivated. 

2.    Match people to jobs that enable them to use their natural strengths and talents. 

When people are properly matched to jobs that provide them with an opportunity to regularly use their natural strengths and talents, they will be naturally motivated.  Think about it  - the things that you do the best are typically the things you love to do.  When you are doing something that you love to do, you don’t  need any external motivation.  Typically you don’t need much in the way of training either.  An added bonus and saving for the organization.   

3.   Determine what kinds of behavior you/the organization want and articulate it clearly. 

We often talk about things like “good performance” but we don’t specifically define what that means or looks like.  We assume everyone knows.  Wrong!  I may be highly motivated, but motivated to do something completely different from what the organization wants or needs.  You can’t blame the employee if you haven’t specifically defined what it is you want.

Describe the goal.  Be specific about how it is to be performed (but without micromanaging).  When possible, provide an example, a sample, or a model. 

4.    Link organizational desired outcomes to individual desired outcomes 

Perhaps the toughest part of the process is syncing up work in the organization – in particular the organization’s desired outcomes with individual desired outcomes.  How do you accomplish what you need to accomplish as a company or organization and at the same time have the employee get what they need?

Although it seems like a daunting task, it’s not as difficult as you might imagine.  If you’ve done a good job hiring people who’s core values match those of the organization, you’re already half way there.  If you’ve done a good job at matching people to work that they are naturally inclined to, then you’re three-quarters there.