Step One — Learn to shut up.
Want to know the one thing you can do to dramatically improve your communication and rapport building skills Learn to shut up. Try following this simple guideline. Make sure the client talks at least twice as much as you do. Think about a 15 session. That means you have the floor no more than 5 minutes and they have the floor for 10. And make sure that when they’re talking, you’re actually listening, as opposed to planning the next thing you’re going to say.

“When I go to meet with a man,” wrote President Abraham Lincoln, “I spend one-third of my time thinking about what I am going to say, and two-thirds of my time thinking about what he is going to say.”

Step Two — Employ Other Messengers.
Tell me if you’ve experienced this Your teenager is screwing up big time and you know exactly what they need to do, but when you try to tell them what to do, they either look at you as if you had three heads or they pay no attention to you whatsoever. Now, along comes cool Uncle Cal who says exactly the same thing and suddenly they pay attention. What just happened? It’s called the theory of “other messengers.” It’s similar to the when you say it they doubt it concept, only this time you’re getting an intermediary to carry your message. Someone who has credibility and respect with the client, or the teenager or whomever it is you’re trying to influence.

Step Three – Be Patient.
Not everyone comes to a conclusion in the same way or at the same pace. Different people need different kinds of information and need to go through different kinds of mental gyrations. Your job is to make sure they have everything they need to get there mentally, then be patient and let it happen.

In order to know what they need, you need to be able to identify their personality and mental filter configuration. This will help you determine how best to help them. Analyticals, for example, will need lots of information and time to process, while Drivers want only bullet points. (See our Face Values program for details).